If I had one wish fulfilled this Thanksgiving, it would be that human beings have more respect for one another. Here’s why.
At a motivational seminar in Phoenix, Arizona I heard psychologist, Dr. Wayne Dyer, state that his measuring stick for the rejection or acceptance of behavior was whether it made him feel good. If it made him feel bad, he had no time for it. He further joked that he recorded a message on his answering service, instructing the caller to hang up unless they had a “feel good” message to leave.
On one hand, I understand this premise, although I think we need to broaden our view of humanity, courtesy and respect. Respect includes more than just ourselves.
Just this week I defriended--is that really a word now?--4 people on the social media Facebook because I decided I was through reading pent-up, angry messages from them. Whenever one of them disagreed with me, they would lambast me with mean-spirited posts. It wasn’t a message left to all their FB friends but a targeted message to tell me how dense, foolish and mindless I was for thinking the way I did. I was called emotional and illogical even when I had posted links to studies that supported my premise. I was instructed to educate myself more about communism and to stop denigrating capitalism. Some posts were down right hostile, the kind of racially slanted rants that inflame fights and wars--stuff I don't even believe in.
Who needs to read this stuff especially on a social media designed for friendship?
I was taught to be considerate, open-minded and listen to contradictory viewpoints. But there is a giant difference between tolerance and those who are gnashing their teeth, looking for a convenient place to dump their pent-up, destructive anger. My body would actually stiffen when messages arrived from certain FB friends who shall remain nameless.
Initially, I found myself slipping into a downward arc, trying to explain or defend my position. This went on for several months until one day in pure frustration I actually posted a response that could have been labeled bullying. Ironically, those who are bullied often become bullies because it feels so bad to be powerless and so good to feel powerful--at least temporarily. That’s when I took a step backward to re-evaluate this whole FB friend idea. I had nothing in common with these people. This was not friendship. This was war. Why was I voluntarily staying in this war?
After defriending and blocking them from my FB page, I felt like I had divorced several abusive partners.
Bullying—power abuse—has become an all too common practice in our society. Several young children have recently killed themselves due to intolerable bullying at school, the latest victim, 10 year old Ashlynn Conner, an Illinois fifth grader and honor student who took her life by hanging herself with a knit scarf in her closet. She had been called fat, ugly and a slut by her peers. She didn’t even know what the word “slut” meant and had to ask her mother. These kids go off to war every day, hoping to sidestep the landmines of verbal abuse. And why? Because meanness and self-absorption mandate more supremacy and attention than civility and respect.
There is an attitude—and our government officials certainly portray this attitude—that it’s my way or the highway about everything. Listen to how the political candidates tear each other to shreds with their lies and hateful language. Anything goes.
This abusive, arrogant attitude was further demonstrated this week at the University of California at Davis when a campus police officer pepper-sprayed non-violent protestors at point-blank range. It was excruciating to watch the lack of emotion as this man, who was hired to represent the law, sprayed human beings in the face, acting as though he were doing nothing more than watering flowers with a hose. Power abuse. No emotion. No respect.
And, of course, the alleged and ongoing investigation of sexual molestation of young boys by former Penn State coach, Jerry Sandusky, is another atrocity of power abuse unfolding more each day. The safety and protection of young boys was bought and sold for Penn State’s (bogus) reputation and a football program. Child abuse by the adults is one of the worst examples of disrespect. We teach children respect by being respectful.
Still others, like motivational guru James Arthur Ray, who was sentenced last week to two years in prison, are so caught up in their own self-importance, they abuse and disrespect others through neglect. In 2009 three people succumbed at his “Spiritual Warrior” sweat lodge ceremony in Sedona Arizona. He kept adding more hot rocks, the tent was built from non-breathable materials, he failed to monitor the temperature inside the tent and was apathetic to those having trouble and calling out for help.
The general rules of a sweat lodge ceremony allow participants to call for help whenever they feel uncomfortable, and the ceremony is usually stopped to help them. When Ray’s sweat lodge grew perilously hot and participants were passing out or wanted to leave, he told them to “fight through the pain.” Another tine when someone called out in distress, he announced that the round (usually 45 minutes) had started and they would deal with problems when the round was finished.
Further still, when he was told that a woman was not doing well, he disregarded the information, stating she had been down that road before and would be OK. Theodore Mercer, who helped run the sweat lodge, said Ray told scared participants three times: "You are not going to die. You might think you are, but you are not going to die." Three people died. And 18 more were hospitalized because James Arthur Ray was too caught up in his omnipotence to respect the cries of those who were suffocating and dying from heat stroke.
Indeed, within the last week alone human beings have been pepper-sprayed, beaten, verbally trashed, sodimized and died because certain individuals were more interested in self-interest, authority and power than in respecting one another.
History shows us that because the Plymouth colony did not have enough food to feed all of the colonists, the Wampanoag Native Americans helped the pilgrims by giving them seed and teaching them to fish. They were helpful. They respected that the new colonists needed help and wisdom. Today we celebrate Thanksgiving in an effort to give thanks for all our blessings.
When we concentrate on what we don’t have, there is never enough. But as newspaper editor and writer, Robert Quillian (1847 1948) said, “If you count all your blessings, you always show a profit.”
It shouldn't be just one day for doing this. We will go under if the current trends of vanity, self-indulgence and disrespect continue. We need to open our hearts to change. We have to rein in our anger and destructive tendencies, and we have to start helping people like the Wampanoag Indians helped the colonists. We need to bring respect back to society.
This Thanksgiving, think about how you can become more respectful of others. For example, when you show respect, you are less likely to be aggressive or
antagonistic in thoughts, words and deeds. When you respect someone you recognize their worth, and you realize that the universe is here for everyone, not just for you and your ideas.
I leave you with this one thought from P.M. Forni taken from his book
Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Civility:"When we lessen the burden of living for those around us we are doing well; when we add to the misery of the world we are not.”
Print PageWhat did you think of this post? Send email below and let us know.
Posts
